There’s never-ending roadworks, but the roads don’t work, and there’s no bus to get you to the train station on the other side of the gridlocked freeway.
So what if your kids can’t read or write? So long as they know how to put a ‘1’ in the box next to the Australian Labor Party on polling day that’ll do.
Oh, you mean you need to work to afford to build a house? Suck shit, this isn’t about you. It’s about all that sweeeet Stamp Duty scrilla.
So, you’re considering starting a new life in Melbourne’s West? Welcome to Aviator Fields, Point Cook.
We are here to help ease your transition to Point Cook so that you can build the home you’ve always dreamed of. It won’t be your home for long, though. Rising sea levels mean your home should be copping the business end of around a foot of salty sea-water mixed with treated sewage within the next few decades. But that’s not a big deal – so long as you pay your loan off in time we think the banks will be fine.
Should I move to Aviator Fields?
No. You absolutely should not. The rest of Point Cook is in a shambles. There’s not enough police. It takes around 30 minutes to drive out of the suburb – or if you catch the bus (yes, we think there’s only one physical bus) you’re probably at closer to an hour. The hospital is overwhelmed and can’t cope. There’s no jobs. Frankly, it sucks – and if you move to Aviator Fields you’re not only going to feel the effects of it; you’re also part of the problem.
You might be curious about aviator fields. You shouldn't be.
The local hospital has only the finest amenities available such as a nightly live entertainment show in the
prison emergency department waiting room, a special section of the hospital dedicated to being child-free for your enjoyment (ie; most of it), and for private patients the ability to request your own bed (subject to availability).
Lawn mowing – who needs it, right? In order to increase “housing affordability” (whatever that is) we’ve just announced a new initiative to sell 100m2 lots; now you can stand in your bedroom (which doubles as a kitchen) and reach out and touch both neighbours at the same time. But don’t speak to them – nobody does that out here.
Melbourne’s west is famous its strong community policing programs, and Aviator Fields is no exception. Joining the program is easy – simply call 000 for assistance and wait to be told that the police are too busy to help you, and then head down to the nearest shopping center (approx. 20 minute drive) to pick up a baseball bat to keep next to your bed. You might even consider joining one of the
vigilante community patrols!
Speaking of the local shopping center; have you ever gone to Chadstone and wondered to yourself “There’s too many shops here – why can’t we just simplify it down to three nail salons and a gift shop that sells loose cigarettes and fireworks to teenagers”? Well, wonder no more. Aviator Fields is your Graceland.
In-line with Department policy our residents will be zoned to the nearest as-the-crow-flies school with capacity. As a result we are pleased to announce that all of our residential lots are zoned to the highly desirable Hampton Primary School zone – only a short 15km swim from the beach you never want to swim at, which – as a bonus – is sometimes a nudist beach. You might want to get some lessons before you arrive, because the nearest public pool is a 30 minute drive away.
We are dedicated to ensuring that two thirds of the properties built at Aviator Fields are made available for rent by owners who have never laid eyes upon them and built them as
cheaply affordably as possible. To further enhance the night-life we have ensured at least a quarter of these properties are available for rent via AirBnB.